awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
