He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
