I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
this beer tastes like vomit already
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
