this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Randomize