she smelled like a LAN party
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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