The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
