he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
tell me about the eggs
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