these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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