Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize
