Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
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She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
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Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
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