I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
