I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Little spoons don't ask big questions
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
