It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
