This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
