Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
