a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
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