Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
