I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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