you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Is it because I queefed?
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
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