I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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