he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
