she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
