I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
