Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I am spending my child support on dildos
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
