Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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