What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
