I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
