Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Randomize
