Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
