Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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