I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
