I think my vagina is haunted
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I want you more than these girls want KFC
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
