I'm going to jail i love you
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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