I just threw up on my dentist
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Randomize
