my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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