I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
