2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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