You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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