I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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