He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Randomize
