I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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