Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Randomize
