I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
