She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize