It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
