cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
