i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
