i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
