so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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