I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
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