Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
