My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
