I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
