Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
