There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
