did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
