It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Randomize
