omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
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