I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
