I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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