everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
