I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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