Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
