oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
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You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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