so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
