Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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