It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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