Even water is tasting like jack daniels
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
I see more hoeing in ur future
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